I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
