Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
