Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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