Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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