I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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