one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
