forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
