its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
