Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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