woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
