one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
