Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
