I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
