I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
