I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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