I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
