I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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