I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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