and i looked up. we had an audience...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
