My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
