It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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