life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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