angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
