Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He felt like a one man threesome
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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