all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
