Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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