There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
