Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
