mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
