stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
