NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
