wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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