I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to jail i love you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This house was built for laser tag.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
