Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
