$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
