I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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