i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
