You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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