saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
