just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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