what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
