WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
