I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
