just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
