It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
