I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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