I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
