Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
