my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
