he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's shark week go big or go home
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
