so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
